The Confession (When Working Out is Too Much): Part 1

by Lauren on October 17, 2011

This post has been a long time coming and before I dive in, I want to set some groundwork as to why I am finally opening up and what I hope you will all take from it.

Many of you that know me well may have noticed a slight change in my normal up-beat and always optimistic attitude in the past few months. Even though I still am so very happy with my life and who I am, there has been one area that I have been struggling with for some time.  I’ve noticed recently that many people are getting a false impression of perfectionism from my blog.  I’ve gotten comments such as “you have it all together” “I don’t believe you ever struggle with anything” or “you seem so perfect”.  Let me tell you as flattering as they all are, I am no where NEAR perfect.  (Just ask my husband. ;)

So what I am about to share with you all is for several reasons.  One.  I want you to see that I deal with the same ugly things that everyone else does. And two, I want to give myself some accountability.  I can make promises with myself but whenI publicly voice them, I am so much more likely to actually keep them.

One more thing.  I know that by doing this I am opening a million doors for cruel criticism and I’m prepared to take that but please, before you judge, just know that there is so much more to it than you may think.

I may need to break this up over a series so let’s start with part one. 

My Story.  If you haven’t read it yet, please start with my entire journey of my health here.

I’m not going to go into my past, but just know that I did struggle with disordered eating at one point in my life.  I don’t ever hide it because it was a part of who I was and who I am today.  I learned so much from my struggle and I can honestly admit that today, I feel little control or guilt when it comes to my food choices.  I absolutely still have moments of anxiety, but I have vowed to let go of that demon several years ago and never looked back enough for it to ruin my life the way it once did.

So here I am today.  I was finally diagnosed with an IBD (Chron’s) and have been treated for the past 2 years.  For the first time in 2 years, I have put on solid weight and muscle and have been what I feel is the most healthiest I’ve been in my entire life.  But what is healthy?  To me, it was running 50 miles a week, working out two times a day, and pushing my body to the point where it should not have gone for such long periods of time.  I honestly thought this was normal.  I love to work and I wasn’t loosing weight so I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

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Some people told me I was an inspiration, others told me I was crazy and I even got many times that I would potentially do harm if I didn’t slow down.  I always just put those comments aside because I was doing what I loved and feeling great.  But what I neglected to tell people was that I was holding on so tightly to a piece of my past and avoiding the real reason for my actions.

Part two will resume tomorrow…..(please stay tuned) 

I still have to get to the happenings of today.

Breakfast

Kashi Go Lean (Hot Cereal), Kashi Cinnamon Harvest, Berries, Vanilla Chobani, Almond Butter, Granola, Chia

My favorite bowls are the ones that combine all textures and flavors.  Hot and cold (oats and yogurt), creamy and crunchy (yogurt and cereal) sweet and savory (berries and almond butter).

I worked out of the office all day.  I had morning appointments and an afternoon presentation all in the same town so rather than make a pointless commute back and forth, I took my work with me and found a work-freindly location to get things done in between.

Coffee shops are the new age office.

I worked until lunch time and worked myself up quite an appetite. Good thing because the special couldn’t have been any more perfect for my taste.

Roasted Apple and Goat Cheese Sandwich with Butternut Apple Soup

Let’s talk about this sandwich.

Roasted apples, creamy goat cheese, and greens all one cinnamon raisin walnut bread.  I couldn’t have made it better myself.

The soup was just as delicious.  Thick and hearty with visible evidence of apple chunks.  I love when a soup has a slightly chunky consistency.  It unveils the homemade factor.

I got out of my presentation late and called Toly on my way home to see if he would be my hero and pick up dinner.  I originally thought he wouldn’t be home for dinner so I didn’t plan anything.  Sushi sounded perfect to the both of us.

Dinner

Cali roll for him Spicy Salmon roll for me

 

Coconut Shrimp roll (the best one) to share

 

This was such a good idea.  Even though I didn’t have to cook, I still managed to put together a quick salad to go along.

I’ll be back tomorrow with Part 2 of the confessional series.  It gets better, I promise. :)

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{ 29 comments }

CJ @ http:// healthy-happy-whole.com October 17, 2011 at 8:45 pm

I can completely relate to the over exercise piece. I am sorry you struggled with that but I am looking forward to your insight in part 2. Thank you for being so honest <3

Clare @ Fitting It All In October 17, 2011 at 9:06 pm

gah i love you. this is brave. hope it goes well <3

Krissy October 17, 2011 at 9:16 pm

I feel like I am reading my own story, although I wish you weren’t going through what I am – it’s comforting to know there are others out there who can relate. I’m here for you if you ever need it lovely :) xoxo Sending you lots of love

Lauren October 17, 2011 at 9:18 pm

Thanks Krissy. :) Same goes for you too my dear.

EricA October 17, 2011 at 9:24 pm

Im nervous that people are going to attack you :( . I hope they realize you may help others by being so honest….. Heart you! Other things i heart? That ah-mazing looking lunch!!

Lauren October 17, 2011 at 9:27 pm

I know they will but I’m ready for it. I needed to do this more for myself.

Lauren @ What Lauren Likes October 17, 2011 at 9:25 pm

That sammie looks ahmazing! Can’t wait for part 2 :)

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey October 17, 2011 at 9:37 pm

Thank you for opening up about this girl! I think you’re going to help a lot of people with this!

gabriella @ embracement October 17, 2011 at 10:23 pm

I’m happy(?) you’re sharing this. I think its a really common struggle that a lot of people don’t see/admit too. I hope you don’t get too much flake from people, but in the end I believe you’ll be helping a lot of people out there and I know how much writing can be a release.

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 8:01 am

Thanks Gabriella. :)

kathleen @ the daily crumb October 18, 2011 at 5:09 am

oh, lauren. i can relate much to well to this story. i thought i was at my “healthiest” running, like you said, 50 miles a week with workouts on top of that and eating lean and light. when my doctor told me this lifestyle could be interfering with getting pregnant, i was confused and upset. i too have had to gain a lot of weight the past few months in the name of “health”. it’s a delicate balance… and so difficult for us to understand.

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 8:01 am

So true Kathleen. The hardest part of getting healthy in any aspect is first realizing and accepting what that healthy is for YOU! Thanks for your kind words hun.

Katy Widrick October 18, 2011 at 8:39 am

Girl…you are so right on with this, and kudos to you for confronting it.

I ran into serious problems with my body due to over-exercising, which, at the time, frustrated me to no end. There I was doing what I *thought* was right, and I was getting injured, saw my periods go out of whack and I was actually gaining weight. What the WHAT?

I took a deep breath, gave myself some space from working out, then slowing (I stress slowly) starting building it back in. Now I have a routine that works for my mind and body.

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 6:31 pm

Thanks Katy! Hearing this from people I admire helps so much. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your support. <3

Jocelyn @ Peace Love Nutrition October 18, 2011 at 9:12 am

Hey Lady-

I can totally relate to this….I’ve come for a disordered eating past which I acknowledge and decided about 3 years ago I was going to change my life around. I’ve done this but I still often get into little obsessive modes— obsessive about what I’m eating, obsessive about if I’m working out or not– I’m lucky (like you!) to have very supportive people in my life to help lift me out of these ruts. I often don’t even realize my disordered past is haunting me because it feels normal.

Look forward to hearing about part 2!

xo

Jocelyn

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 6:30 pm

Hey Jocelyn,
Thanks for showing your support and that I’m not alone. I’m beginning to realize there are so many other women who struggle with this and it’s actually comforting to know that we can all be there for each other.

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 10:13 am

Thank you sooo much for posting this! I’m very much looking forward to part 2. Thanks for being brave and opening up :)

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 6:29 pm

Thanks for your support Lauren.

Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers October 18, 2011 at 10:23 am

I can’t wait for part 2. :)

PS – your lunch looks awesome

Meg October 18, 2011 at 1:15 pm

Hey hun :) JUST found your blog! LOVE IT! I will definitely be reading everything from here on :) You are a great writer and seem so honest :) xoxo Have a wonderful day :)

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 6:28 pm

Hey Meg! Thank you! :) You are so sweet.

Sami October 18, 2011 at 2:31 pm

LOVE sushi! wegmans?! (:

and i’m currently coming to terms with this too….funny how we’re linked into the same realizations at the same time quite often ;)

xo.

Jes @ Jess Go Bananas October 18, 2011 at 2:53 pm

I understand what you mean by “hanging on to my past.” It’s hard to let go sometimes to old habits. They don’t just disappear in the blink of an eye, but slowly dissipate. Everyday that try to overcome your past, you are moving farther and farther away from it.
That bfast bowl sounds mighty good! :D

Jillian @ sprinkle massacre October 18, 2011 at 3:46 pm

Looking forward to part 2! This is definitely something that a lot of us can relate to!!

lauren October 18, 2011 at 4:02 pm

I can definitely relate to this. For me, I find that it is all about control (or the perception of control?). Finding a balance is SO hard!

Carly October 18, 2011 at 8:51 pm

I just found your blog recently and went back and read your story you put a link to. Your story is very inspirational. It seems like you went through a really rough time before you finally got the right diagnosis. Although my stomach issues are nothing compared to what you have gone though, I am lactose intolerant and have been diagnosed with ibs. I am still trying to figure out what works for me, as I still have daily ups and downs and find my stomach problems randomly getting in the way. Looking forward to reading more and getting some ideas!

Lauren October 18, 2011 at 8:53 pm

Hey Carly,
Thanks for stopping by and reading. I can definitely relate to the ups and downs with stomach problems but I promise it gets better. It just takes time. I’m here if you need anything. :)

Sarah October 21, 2011 at 4:39 am

you seem like such a sweet, driven individual. I pray that everything works out for you!

Lauren October 21, 2011 at 6:42 am

Aww, thanks Sarah. That is so sweet you of.

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