This post has been a long time coming and before I dive in, I want to set some groundwork as to why I am finally opening up and what I hope you will all take from it.
Many of you that know me well may have noticed a slight change in my normal up-beat and always optimistic attitude in the past few months. Even though I still am so very happy with my life and who I am, there has been one area that I have been struggling with for some time. I’ve noticed recently that many people are getting a false impression of perfectionism from my blog. I’ve gotten comments such as “you have it all together” “I don’t believe you ever struggle with anything” or “you seem so perfect”. Let me tell you as flattering as they all are, I am no where NEAR perfect. (Just ask my husband.
So what I am about to share with you all is for several reasons. One. I want you to see that I deal with the same ugly things that everyone else does. And two, I want to give myself some accountability. I can make promises with myself but whenI publicly voice them, I am so much more likely to actually keep them.
One more thing. I know that by doing this I am opening a million doors for cruel criticism and I’m prepared to take that but please, before you judge, just know that there is so much more to it than you may think.
I may need to break this up over a series so let’s start with part one.
My Story. If you haven’t read it yet, please start with my entire journey of my health here.
I’m not going to go into my past, but just know that I did struggle with disordered eating at one point in my life. I don’t ever hide it because it was a part of who I was and who I am today. I learned so much from my struggle and I can honestly admit that today, I feel little control or guilt when it comes to my food choices. I absolutely still have moments of anxiety, but I have vowed to let go of that demon several years ago and never looked back enough for it to ruin my life the way it once did.
So here I am today. I was finally diagnosed with an IBD (Chron’s) and have been treated for the past 2 years. For the first time in 2 years, I have put on solid weight and muscle and have been what I feel is the most healthiest I’ve been in my entire life. But what is healthy? To me, it was running 50 miles a week, working out two times a day, and pushing my body to the point where it should not have gone for such long periods of time. I honestly thought this was normal. I love to work and I wasn’t loosing weight so I didn’t see anything wrong with it.
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Some people told me I was an inspiration, others told me I was crazy and I even got many times that I would potentially do harm if I didn’t slow down. I always just put those comments aside because I was doing what I loved and feeling great. But what I neglected to tell people was that I was holding on so tightly to a piece of my past and avoiding the real reason for my actions.
Part two will resume tomorrow…..(please stay tuned)
I still have to get to the happenings of today.
BreakfastKashi Go Lean (Hot Cereal), Kashi Cinnamon Harvest, Berries, Vanilla Chobani, Almond Butter, Granola, Chia
My favorite bowls are the ones that combine all textures and flavors. Hot and cold (oats and yogurt), creamy and crunchy (yogurt and cereal) sweet and savory (berries and almond butter).
I worked out of the office all day. I had morning appointments and an afternoon presentation all in the same town so rather than make a pointless commute back and forth, I took my work with me and found a work-freindly location to get things done in between.
Coffee shops are the new age office.
I worked until lunch time and worked myself up quite an appetite. Good thing because the special couldn’t have been any more perfect for my taste.Roasted Apple and Goat Cheese Sandwich with Butternut Apple Soup
Let’s talk about this sandwich.
Roasted apples, creamy goat cheese, and greens all one cinnamon raisin walnut bread. I couldn’t have made it better myself.
The soup was just as delicious. Thick and hearty with visible evidence of apple chunks. I love when a soup has a slightly chunky consistency. It unveils the homemade factor.
I got out of my presentation late and called Toly on my way home to see if he would be my hero and pick up dinner. I originally thought he wouldn’t be home for dinner so I didn’t plan anything. Sushi sounded perfect to the both of us.
DinnerCali roll for him Spicy Salmon roll for me
Coconut Shrimp roll (the best one) to share
This was such a good idea. Even though I didn’t have to cook, I still managed to put together a quick salad to go along.
I’ll be back tomorrow with Part 2 of the confessional series. It gets better, I promise.