We Broke Up

by Lauren on October 24, 2011

Hi everyone!  Hope the start of your week is off to a great start.

So I have some big news.  Well, it’s big for me at least.

We split up.

It just wasn’t working out.  I was in it for all of the wrong reasons.  I was giving more love than I was receiving.

Yes my friends, I did it.  I broke up with running.

After another major revelation this weekend, I came to understand that cutting back is not working and will not work for me.  I talked with Toly about it for awhile and he made me realize that, like most things in my life, I pour so much passion into what I am doing but some of these things are not healthy. Running became an unhealthy obsession, one that I don’t even do anymore because I love it, but because I feel that I have to.

Since I seem to only do things “all or nothing”, that is the only approach that I know will work to break this.  Nothing.  At least for awhile or until I can reach the point when I know I won’t be able to go back.  It’s not going to be easy and I know it will take a long time until I reach that level where I want to be, but just how I could never go back to controlling my distorted relationship with food knowing what I know how, the same thing will come out of this.  Once I reach my “healthy tipping point” with running, I won’t be able to go back to the dark side of it.

So what will I do now?

I’ll walk it off which is exactly what I did today.  Rather than wake up and run 10 miles, I slept in a little longer and walked 3 miles this morning.  Not gonna lie, it wasn’t easy, but I did it.  So my routine is going to change a bit and I’m 100% okay with that.  I’ll continue to teach spin classes 2-3 times a week, I’ll replace all running with incline walking, I’ll be doing more routined and structured strength workouts 2-3 times a week.

So running, it’s not forever.  I’ll bring you back into my life one day, but for now, you’ve got to go. :)

Breakfast

Raspberry Chobani, 1/4 C Raw Oats, Banana, Raspberries, Granola, Sunflower Seed Butter, Chia

I replenished my Chobani stash this weekend and craved a yogurt bowl this morning.   I don’t usually eat the raspberry and I’m not really sure why because I really do adore the flavor.

Lunch

Amongst having to be here and there and everywhere in between, I had an hour to stop for lunch.  I met my brother-in-law for lunch today, as it’s been so long since him and I had a chance to spend some time together.

We met at Wegmans and loaded up on the salad bar.

I don’t even want to admit how much this cost me.

Or this…..

Or the drink that costs more than a beer….

<Sigh> The price of a healthy delicious meal.

It was so great to spend some time with my brother-in-law.  We had a great chat and then I was off to finish out the rest of my day.

Dinner

No surprise, this lunch left me stuffed to the gills.  I guess that is what happens when you load up on every single quinoa salad (they had 7 different kinds) and a massive amount of roasted veggies.

I originally planned to make more veggies for dinner but couldn’t imagine the thought.

I settled for some common ground in Butternut Squash and Pear Soup.

This was a box of Pacific Organic Butternut Squash Soup that I doctored up with pear, cinnamon, and fresh basil.  After I purred everything together, I let it simmer on the stove for a few minutes.  Topped with yogurt and walnuts….quite delicious!

Served with a slice of sweet potato bread.  This is not my creation but from the bread co-op I belong to.  Probably the best thing I could ever have gotten myself into even though I am knee deep in bread.  Not a bad thing.

In other news….look at what I finally found today!

They are just as good as everyone said they were.

Well it’s been a wonderful fresh start today.  I’m ready for this new phase and I’m embracing how it will change me, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually.  I feel stronger already just knowing that I’m capable of doing what I know is right but takes all that I have in me to go through with it.

So running….I’m just not that into you.

Have you ever let go of something that became a part of your identity? The hardest part of letting go of most things that we hold on to is not the fear of changing, it’s the fear of letting go of who we thought we were.

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{ 38 comments }

Traci October 24, 2011 at 8:04 pm

Aw, just wanted to let you know I’m so happy you’re making this decision. It’s brave to jump right into no running. But the right thing. We’re here for support. :)

Lauren October 24, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Thanks Traci. You have been nothing but supportive which has made this soooo much easier. <3

Holly October 24, 2011 at 8:05 pm

You are amazing and I am SO proud of you.

I gave up running for walking and biking while I’m trying to recover from my eating disorder. It was SOOOOOOOO hard, but I do feel more at peace and less compulsive. You are so strong, Lauren, keep it up!

Lauren October 24, 2011 at 8:16 pm

Thanks Holly. :)

Gabriela @ Une Vie Saine October 24, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I broke up running last winter and it was one of the best decisions I ever made for my body. I do miss it sometimes, but there’s so many forms of exercise that it’s allowed me to try a ton of new stuff. Good for you for realizing what’s best for you!!

Lauren October 24, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Thanks Gabriela. It’s nice to know that many other bloggers don’t just run. Sometimes I feel like the entire blog world is training for a marathon but I think that is just my misconception.

CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com/ October 24, 2011 at 8:17 pm

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!! i think this calls for a celebration! Philly weekend it is!!! yayyyyy i was thinking of you all day girl! let me know if there is anything you need as far as support! and im so glad you found the almonds! they are pretty darn tasty!

Lauren October 24, 2011 at 8:19 pm

Thanks girl. :) YES! Let’s go to Philly. :)

Jill October 25, 2011 at 8:44 pm

I’m joining!! i feel like us three would have so much fun!!!

gabriella @ embracement October 24, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I’m so proud of you for doing this! I think its beyond admirable that you’re just cutting it all out. I have no doubt that you’ll get through this stronger than ever!

EricA October 24, 2011 at 8:32 pm

Yayy! Sounds like a great decision for you. Heart wegmans!! It is expensive, but so worth it. And you know im a fan of doctored up soups. I havent had to break up with anything but im going to have to… Im totally overwhelmed right now

kathleen @ the daily crumb October 24, 2011 at 8:33 pm

good for you, lauren! i did something very similar last winter. running has slowly worked it’s way back into my life, but we went through a solid 6 month breakup where i replaced daily 60 minute runs with, like you, incline walking and some yoga. it was an amazing time off for my body, mind and soul. i know it’s a hard decision to make, though, so good for you for listening to your heart :)

Lauren @ What Lauren Likes October 24, 2011 at 8:41 pm

Pumpkin spice almonds?! Yum!

Amanda October 24, 2011 at 8:52 pm

Good luck with your decision, Lauren. You definitely know where to find lots of support (your readers)! :)

Amy J October 24, 2011 at 8:58 pm

So does this mean no Turkey Trot, or walking it with my mom? Either way, I applaud your decision and your courage to do so. It may sound silly looking back on it, but I let my hair grow all through middle school and high school and college with only limited trims, so I had wrapped up my self image with it, and its length… and it took me the longest time to be able to cut it shorter. It’s only when you let things go that you realize that they don’t define you nearly as much as you thought. Hope you start enjoying your walking more soon! Walking is always better with a friend- anyone close by that could walk with you?

Lauren October 24, 2011 at 9:02 pm

Haha, Jason and I were just talking about this today. Not sure yet. We all may be walking it this year. :) Thanks Amy and I know exactly what you mean. We truly start to place who we are into the things we find comfort in. That is what makes it so hard to let go of, no matter what that thing is. I would love to start walking with my sister and Weston. Hopefully we can get in a few good ones before the weather starts to turn.

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey October 24, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Wow. You are definitely a stronger woman than me. I am so proud of you, Lauren. For real – I have definitely gotten into a routine of dong something before that I didn’t really like. I think the hardest part is stopping cold turkey! Here to encourage you!

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 6:47 am

Thanks Chelsey. :)

Karen October 24, 2011 at 9:35 pm

I am so proud of you Lauren!! I hope that this break up provides some much needed answers for you.

Brooke Fickes October 24, 2011 at 9:51 pm

I have never been a more proud sister than I am of you right now.
I know this decision you are making with running is HUGE!!
You’re right, it’s not going to be easy at all. However, you are a strong, beautiful, and determined woman of God and I KNOW you have what it takes. I believe and have faith in you. You also have a TON of people supporting you through prayer, encourageing words, and in whatever, way you need support. I love you so much Lauren and I applaud your decision. I am here for you ALWAYS and support you all the way!!

Love,
Your sister and best friend,
~Brooke :)

P.S. Weston and I would LOVE to walk with you!!!!! :)

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 6:47 am

Thanks so much Brooke! :) Love you so much. :)
PS- Let’s definitely do more walks together.

Emily October 24, 2011 at 10:33 pm

Dearest Lauren. GO You! You are quite brave to share your struggle and I’m glad this is providing the forum for you to gain support in your decisions. I am always thinking of you. xoxo

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 6:48 am

Always thinking of you too my dear. :) Hope all is well.

Melissa @TryingtoHeal October 24, 2011 at 10:54 pm

I’m happy you’re making this decision for yourself and doing what is best. I know how hard this can be because I have gone through it myself. You are a strong woman and I know you’ll be able to stay strong through it all! We just need to find other things to keep us occupied (When I couldn’t run, I used to volunteer at a local animal shelter taking care of cats and dogs and walking them too!)!

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 6:48 am

Thanks Melissa! I’m definitely getting more into the walking thing. It’s a nice break.

Chelcie @ Chelcie's Food Files October 24, 2011 at 11:00 pm

good for you for being so courageous and wanting to make a change for the better!
Going to college I gave up my love for musical theater, I’m not sure when I’ll start doing it again, but it was a huge part of my life up until I went to school where I finally decided I didn’t want to pursue it as a career..I guess its just hard figuring out how to incorporate it back into my life..but we’ll see what happens in the future:)

Alexia @ NamasteYoga October 25, 2011 at 7:06 am

wow, lauren! What a big step! I wish you all the best and hope you will enjoy incline walking just as much as running at some point!

I always pile up big time too when i get the chance to go to the big whole foods in London, so i can imagine how much your salad cost. anyways, 7 types of quinoa is def worth it, at least now you know how they taste and you can replicate them :)

Erica @ For the Sake of Cake October 25, 2011 at 7:17 am

I hope this works out for you Lauren!

I’ve been tempted many times by the food at Wegmans, but have yet to actually try anything. It’s one of those things where I know if I start, I’ll always want to go there!

And I hadn’t seen/heard about those almonds, but I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out now!

Nelly October 25, 2011 at 7:36 am

I am so proud of you! I had to do the same thing and now I LOVE WALKING! Walk on trails and hikes and it totally makes up for it…and you actually get to take in scenery. Your body will love you for it…especially your hormones! That is was regulated my cycle. Its not easy stopping running but after a while it is totally worth it! Proud of you :)

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 8:29 pm

I hear that from so many people. I’m hoping it works. If not for my cycle, I know it will for my own emotional state. Thanks girl!

Julie October 25, 2011 at 7:54 am

Wow. I am truly impressed. I have and continue to struggle with many of these things, and it’s very helpful to read your determination. I know it’s not easy.

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Thanks Julie!

Meredith October 25, 2011 at 6:00 pm

You are just wonderful! I adore your blog and everything about this post. What a huge accomplishment already! Your readers are here for support :)

http://mplusbdiaries.blogspot.com/
@mercipaige (twitter)
mercipaige@gmail.com

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 8:28 pm

Thanks so much Meredith!

Sarah Lanphier October 25, 2011 at 8:15 pm

I can teach you how to swim :)

Lauren October 25, 2011 at 8:27 pm

Oh boy, swimming and me are not a happy mix. Wet + Cold = miserable Lauren! :) You still have to teach me to ride outside though. Dying to do that soon!

lynn @ the actor's diet October 25, 2011 at 9:19 pm

i broke up with exercise a long time ago but i think i may need to get back together, just for the endorphins!

katie October 27, 2011 at 12:16 am

GIRL- so very very proud of you. I feel like the Lord lead me to this post for a reason. I did the EXACT same thing too- and seriously God is so faithful and you have to PRAY HARD and He will take the desire away and reward you, I promise! He will give you strength. My body has NEVER looked better- it did WONDERS for my body!! I went from running like you were to weight lifting 3 times a week, and I think I look WAY better now!!! Its such a blessing! I FEEL better. lifting weights makes me feel strong, and im not addicted to it like i was running. so many more blessings in life that we need to be investing in instead of working our bodies to death. when we die and go to heaven, working out will NOT matter.. God is a good dad and He will take care of you!! You are going to go off the deep end or anything. you will be just fine :) you know that though! Now i run sometimes but I give myself a 30 min max time limit bc i dont even want to GO back to that addiction, and you have to be on guard w. stuff like that!

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