Sorry I’m Not Sorry

by Lauren on May 23, 2012

So here is a post that I’ve avoided writing for a few weeks, but I figured that people were starting to catch on and even asking so now is as good a time as any to come clean.

I’ve been running again.  Everyday.

And you know what, I’m not sorry about it.  A few months ago, I wrote about my “breakup” with running after realizing I was having some female issues and thought that running may have been a cause. I must stress that the doctors NEVER indicated that they believed this, it was all from my own assumptions and hearing from other’s similar experiences.

So I took a significant cut from my mileage to see if it would make any difference.  It didn’t and I proceeded to work with doctor’s on my condition.  After many stressful months, I realized that I am just not ready to give it up.  Part of me was fighting it which is why I now know I wasn’t ready.  I fully believe that when I am ready to let go, it will not be hard.  I don’t want to fight for something that I truly don’t want at this point in my life and it took a whole lot of self exploring to figure that out.

I love my morning runs every day at 4am and I know that some may think it’s disordered or nuts, and I don’t blame you for thinking that, but for me, it’s just something that makes me happy.  So I guess what I’m saying is I’m sorry that I’m not sorry.  Right now, this is where I am at.  Maybe tomorrow I will feel differently, maybe next week or maybe in a few years, but for now, I’m truly attempting to live in the moment.  If I’ve learned one thing this past year it’s that life can change moment by moment and it seems to be for me anyways.

No matter what happens I know that I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m blessed, and I’m loved.

Well now that I have that off my chest….

Breakfast

I finished my Kashi H2H so this past weekend, I picked up a new cereal.  Barbara’s Shredded Multigrain Spoonfuls are now my new favorite cereal.

I poured a bowl this morning and added sliced banana and blackberries along with almonds and almond butter. As a kid, I was a HUGE fan of Chex Cereal and this reminds me a lot of those sweet little checks.  It’s only 5g of sugar per serving but tastes slightly sweet.  I loved them!

Lunch

I was in meetings all morning and before heading back into the office for the afternoon, I stopped at Cornerstone to meet my friend for lunch.

Sadly, I wasn’t feeling all that great.  My stomach was sort of in knots all morning but I knew I should eat something.

This smoothie is actually called the “Get Up and Go” smoothie, hence the name on the cup.  Kale, Almond Milk, Banana and Pear.

I also got a side order of veggies and hummus for something to chew.

The rest of work wasn’t anything exciting and when I got off, I rushed to an appointment that ran well into the evening.

By the time I got home, I just wanted to put something fast and easy for dinner.

Dinner

No Bull Burger with hummus and avocado with a side salad and watermelon.

I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t had an actual burger (bun, fixings, etc.) in a really long time, but this was just delicious!  I’ve tried the No Bull Burgers a few times now and this is by far my favorite way of eating them…the most conventional.

Well it’s time to watch my boy Phil become the next American Idol.  Sorry Jessica fans, but after last night’s performance, I think that boy just stole every girl’s heart.

Goodnight!

 

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{ 16 comments }

Abby @ Abz 'n' Oats May 23, 2012 at 8:31 pm

If running is something you love doing and you are capable of doing so I say go for it. I know I sure would run every day if I wasn’t a freaking injury magnet! Hope your tummy gets to feeling better! :)

chelsey @ clean eating chelsey May 23, 2012 at 8:32 pm

You’re totally right – you have to be completely ready to take that step and change your life completely. For me, it took 3 months of being almost completely inactive and eating a ridiculous amount of food for me to get my cycle back. Then again, I was ready and am in it for the long haul. I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you!

Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries May 23, 2012 at 8:40 pm

ditto!

Rebecca May 24, 2012 at 5:16 pm

It was upping my calorie and protein + fat intake that restored me to a normal hormone balance even while I was training for a marathon and running more than ever before. I think running actually helped me feel good about eating more and focus on fueling my body to be strong than simply eating to gain weight. If running is part of what makes you feel strong, healthy, and happy, I say stay with it!! :)

Leslie May 23, 2012 at 8:46 pm

Is the Nobull burger only available via mail order? On their website, I can’t see where there are any retail places around here.

Lauren May 23, 2012 at 8:52 pm

Yep, just online. They are based out of Virginia and only sell local but they just started selling online. I had to call and they took care of everything via phone.

Cait's Plate May 23, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Oooh I love the hummus addition to the burger! That’s genius!

Also – I hear ya. You can’t give up something if you’re not ready to. I was (and still am) the same way with running after my injury. Everyone tells me I should give up running but I figure as long as my doctors say it’s okay and I’m not in pain, I’m sticking with it! My runs are my sanity!!

Chelsea May 23, 2012 at 10:42 pm

Do what you love and love what you do

Liz May 24, 2012 at 8:01 am

Definitely don’t be sorry – enjoy the running! :)

CJ @ http://healthy-happy-whole.com May 24, 2012 at 11:44 am

I feel the same way you do about running. You know I miss it terribly but unfortunately my husband doesnt allow it right now. Hopefully someday soon :-( for now I am stuck with 4 am walks…kind of boring but at least its something.
Miss you Lauren!

Lisa May 24, 2012 at 3:57 pm

I’m so happy Phil won! Way more entertaining than Jessica, although of course she is amazing too! Don’t be sorry for doing something you love. You tried taking a break and realized it wasn’t right for you at the time. Who knows what will happen down the road, but for now it works for you so enjoy it! I feel the same way with my exercise routine, I love it so much but feel like since I’m having female issues I should be giving up intense exercise, but you know what, I just love it so much! I can always be eating more to make up for the activity! Thanks for your honesty

Kailey May 24, 2012 at 9:36 pm

Do what you love and forget about the rest :)
As long as you are taking care of yourself then what you do with your life is up to you. I enjoy running for about 2 hours six days a week – those two hours are “me” time.

Clare May 28, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Here’s the thing. Everyday, intense exercise combined with low-cal/low-fat eating puts your body into “conservation mode”. It will not waste energy on regulating your cycle or promoting fertility in this state (despite the rainbow of vitamins you are getting from all those fruits and vegetables). You will continue to get your endorphin kick (so addictive) but physically you are putting yourself at risk for injury. I’ve been there, have the stress fractures to prove it and struggled with fertility until I made a complete change to my thinking, diet and activity level (didn’t happen overnight… took about 9 months to get things going again). It doesn’t mean that you have to revert to the “Standard American Diet” but you do need to add more densely calorific food, high quality proteins, iron and fat. I’m sure deep down you know this, and when you are ready to make the change you will. I love running almost more than anything so completely understand where you are coming from [smile]

Lauren May 29, 2012 at 8:29 pm

Thanks Clare. I do know all of this but I’m just not ready to give it up yet. But when I am, I do know what I need to do. :) Thanks so much for your input though. It really does mean so much.

Electra @ Vanilla Bean Lean May 28, 2012 at 10:42 pm

I seriously LOVE how honest this post was and how passionate you are about running. It seems from your trial and error the two are not connected and if running every morning makes you feel like you, then do it until it doesn’t. I am so happy you’re not sorry. :-D My morning cardio is my stress reliever, and while I don’t run every day, I usually do more HIIT type cardio, I completely understand that starting your day that way makes you feel like you. Keep rockin’ lady, so proud of you!

Lauren May 29, 2012 at 8:28 pm

Thanks so much girl! That means a lot to me. :)

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